


song of the undead

by just_peachyy



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, love me some emotional conspitation, these boys make me wanna cry, yes they fuck at the end wait for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-24 16:37:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15634566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_peachyy/pseuds/just_peachyy
Summary: He's in a bad place. He knows he is.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> my favorite emotionally constipated boys are back and ready for some angst!! Light spoilers for Gintoki's past!
> 
> \+ Edited some stuff, finally got some internet on my trip so that I could update a bit!! Updated on 08/11/2018

He's in a bad place. He knows he is. He's been avoiding headquarters all day, telling Shinpachi and Kagura that he's out hunting for "jobs" and that he won't be back until very late. The fact is that it is the anniversary of the day that Gintoki threw all of his friends away in a decision that had fallen to him on that cliff, when he much rather would have killed himself to have stopped any of it from happening and how can this be? How can he be here, living half a normal life with his oldest friends scattered to the four winds and his teacher dead by his own hand? He thinks about it too much, he prods the same wound over and over: there must have been another way out. Something that he didn't think of back then, maybe - maybe -

He bumps into Hasegawa who invites him out for drinks and he accepts, knowing full well that he shouldn't when he's in this state. He should go home instead, maybe go to the graveyard and lay down some flowers and clean up the grave. He doesn't want to do anything at this point, and he feels numb and apathetic and empty. Maybe Hasegawa doesn't notice that Gintoki isn't fully present. Maybe he chooses not to see. The only thing that comes from this kind of thing is Gintoki going home at the asscrack of dawn to find the apartment empty, Kagura having gone with Shinpachi to his place for dinner and an actual bedroom rather than her closet because Gin-chan didn't come home and Tae will surely come after him and chew him out with Shinpachi while Kagura looks on.

So he drinks - one after the other, reckless, relentless, barely listening to Hasegawa lament about his life. He drinks until he can barely keep his eyes open, until the thoughts about the cliff and the leaden skies are a buzz of static at the back of his mind. He hates it, he hates himself. If only sensei could see him now, if only his enemies could see him beaten down to his knees, the shiroyasha defeated and blackout drunk at a food stand. He doesn't even deserve this. He's a coward for taking this way out. The moon is nearing it's peak when he feels someone's presence over his shoulder.

"Oy. I think thats enough, eh?"

He turns around, feels like his head is moving through molasses. There's a double image of Hijikata in his off day yukata standing right outside the noren of the stand. He still has his sword strapped to his hip, still has his cigarette between his stupidly full lips, a red scarf around his neck, a pale grey haori over his stupidly broad shoulders. There's a surge of frustration and want, but he tamps it down as always. It's punishment. 

He puts on a fake smile. "If it isn't Hijikata-kun! What brings you here?"

Hijikata isn't listening to him; instead, signalling to the stand owner to cut Gintoki off. Hasegawa is already passed out on the bar, and Hijikata prods him awake.

"You want a taxi or something?" He asks.

"Eh? No, no, I...live around here. Mind if I steal a cigarette though?" Hasegawa asks. Maybe he doesn't know that Hijikata is police. Maybe he doesn't care. Hijikata shakes one out anyway, offering him a light. He bends over it with a murmured thanks, pats Gintoki on the shoulder and says goodnight, wandering off.

Its only the owner, Hijikata, and Gintoki at the stand now, and Gintoki is really not in the mood to stop drinking. He raises his hand for another, and he catches the furtive glance that the stand owner throws at the vice chief.

"I said that was enough." Hijikata says.

Gintoki feels a tide of rage and frustration welling up inside him. He forces his voice to stay level. "If you haven't noticed, I'm an adult."

"And I'm a police officer, what's your point."

"Off duty." Gintoki raises his eyebrows at the stand owner, who looks torn. 

"Just because you get a job doesn't mean you stop being lazy, and it's the same with me."

"One more, old man," Gintoki slurs, and Hijikata finally loses his patience and grabs his wrist as Gintoki raises it again.

Gintoki looks at the pale fingers around his wrist. "Let go."

There's a tense moment where they both size each other up, the stand owner making worried noises behind them. Hijikata is the first one to back down, his expression his regular one of mild annoyance. He throws a couple bills on the counter and tugs Gintoki away in the direction of the park, scowling fiercely. Gintoki wrenches his hand away, chest tight and his head pounding. There's a hot roil in his stomach and a painful twinge of saliva in the back of his mouth before he leans over the nearest flower bed and vomits. Hijikata is there in an instant, holding back the loose ends of his haori and rubbing a hand along his back.

He dry heaves a couple times, gags, feels the absence of Hijikata's hand like a physical ache, and retches again, spitting out some bile. A hand touches his shoulder and he looks up to a bottle of water. Hijikata stands there looking nearly worried, and Gintoki almost laughs bitterly. He takes the water from him with a nod, and drinks half the thing in one go.

"You wanna go home? Or you wanna walk it off?" Hijikata asks.

Gintoki shrugs, partly because he doesn't know, partly because he feels like he'll throw up again if he opens his mouth. He doesn't want to do anything. Or maybe, he wants to go back in time and do things differently, but he doesn't know how how could without ending up at some same variation of the same result. 

"Walk it is." Hijikata says, and he sets off without another word. Good thing the weather is chilly; good for snapping people awake and out of their drunkenness, at least a little bit. Gintoki sways lightly as he walks, a flush come up high on his cheeks.

"How come you're-" Gintoki hiccups. "-being so nice t'me?" Usually, they meet and they bicker. They snarl at each other fiercely enough to make their friends cringe, they glare, they fight. 

Hijikata leaves behind a trail of smoke like an ellipses. "You should stop making people worry too much about you, you know," and Gintoki's brain hurts too much to make much sense of that and he just watches Hijikata grind the butt of his cigarette into the ash pouch he carries.

"And I'm still a police officer, off duty or not. I have an obligation to help people." He tacks on.

"Gotta hand it to you - you civil servant types," Gintoki swigs water until his mouth doesn't taste like sake and bile. He drinks until there's maybe a quarter of it left, and on a whim he dumps the rest of it over his head. It wakes him up a bit, but Hijikata whirls on him, 

"Oy! You idiot, what are you doing? Its winter!" Hijikata hisses.

"Felt good," Gintoki half lies. Hijikata's right, it is winter and he's already shivering. He thinks he can hear his teeth clacking together slightly.

"Idiot. I can't believe you're still alive if your main justification for doing things is 'it felt good'." Hijikata unwinds his scarf and wraps it around Gintoki's neck, very nearly suffocating him with it. He pulls it up over his nose, scowling, but Gintoki can't quite think because it smells like Hijikata - cigarettes and maybe incense and something deeper that must be purely him.

"You'd be surprised how far you can get with that," Gintoki says, pulling the scarf down around his chin. He's still tipsy. The sake is making the lights seem brighter and hazier, Hijikata's eyes seem bluer.

"Huh?"

"'It feels good'," he repeats, and he leans forwards and kisses Hijikata messily, hungrily, his fingers knotted in the lapels of his dark yukata. There's a thrill of panic as Hijikata remains motionless for a beat - but then the heady weight of pleasure and hunger as he starts to kiss back. His fingers are on the nape of Hijikata's neck, pulling him in closer and closer but it's not close enough because Gintoki wants to drown in him and Hijikata is so frustrating -

"Not here," Hjikata rasps, pulling away with a wet noise. There's a pink flush up on his cheeks and Gintoki leans forward to kiss them, but Hijikata pushes him back. "I said not here."

"But-" is he pouting? Is Gintoki pouting? 

"You're drunk, and you gotta go home and sleep this off." Hijikata sounds angry, but not at Gintoki.

"Wha-?"

"I'll walk you home." Hijikata says shortly.

Gintoki follows him, feeling like he just got off a rollercoaster. There's adrenaline shooting through his veins, but also mild disorientation. He glares at Hijikata's shoulder blades, willing him to turn around and explain himself or kiss him again or, or -

He tries reaching for Hijikata's hand and their fingers are a hair's breadth away when Hijikata reaches up to light a cigarette. He's so frustrating, Gintoki grumbles inwardly.

"Are your kids home?" He is asking.

"Probably not." Gintoki says. "At Tae's."

The vice chief nods and leads the way towards Otose's snack shop and stops at the stairs leading up to Gintoki's apartment, hands tucked into the sleeves of his yukata. He even walks him up to the front door, letting Gintoki lean on him partially as he goes up the stairs.

"Goodnight, then," Hijikata nods at him and makes to go, but Gintoki's hand shoots out and grabs his wrist.

"Hijikata-kun," he murmurs. "Don't - don't you want me?" He can't help his words slurring together a bit. There's a heady pool of warmth gathering at the base of his spine, and he steps into the vice chief's space, who refuses to step back. His blue eyes are endless and deep enough to drown in. Gintoki lets his eyes shut halfway and he leans forward, hoping Hijikata meets him halfway. 

There's a hand over his mouth and his eyes fly open. Hijikata is looking at him with pained eyes. He makes a questioning noise against the rough firmness of his palm and sees the slightest tremor in the policeman's lashes. For a moment, he thinks about sticking his tongue out and licking his palm like he used to do to Shinsuke when they were younger, but he thinks better of it. He'd rather not get knocked out by his crush. Instead, he looks imploringly at him. An unreadable look crosses Hijikata's face, and as soon as it does, it's gone again. 

"Of course I want you, you big perm head. But not when you're like this. Not when I'm just the nearest warm body." He pulls his hand gently out of Gintoki's unresisting grip. 

"Huh-what! It's not - s'not like that!" Gintoki protests, but Hijikata is already halfway towards the stairs.

"Goodnight, Yorozuya." He says, and Gintoki watches him go down the steps and down the road until the cold forces him inside. The genkan is empty of shoes and he kicks off his boots and hurries to his bedroom, where he shuts the door even though he knows that he's alone in the house. He undoes the knot holding his yukata shut and shoves his pants and boxers down so that they're mostly around his knees, bites into the knuckles of the hand that is currently not working around his cock, gritting his teeth and letting out a small whimper at the touch. He's been sporting a hard-on since the park and he lets out a relieved moan at the first stroke. The rough callouses on Hijikata's palm over his mouth, the scent of him clinging to his scarf - he thumbs over the head of his dick and stifles his noises even though the apartment is empty, thinks some more about the warm weight of the policeman's hand on his shoulder in the park, the feel of his lips and -

He arches and gasps and comes hard enough to leave fireworks on his eyelids, and he slumps against the paper screen doors, panting, his right hand a sticky mess. Oh, he thinks, that's pathetic. He wipes his hand on a bunch of tissues and shrugs out of his haori, feeling slightly shaky from the alcohol and the force of his orgasm. He reaches up to draw his shirt over his head but his fingers catch on the Hijikata's scarf. He pauses.

"That stupid mayo freak." Gintoki mutters. Or maybe- maybe he left it with him on purpose? Maybe he wants an excuse to see him again! Gintoki nearly skips to the closet to change into his pajamas and falls into his futon, curling up beneath the covers. His thoughts are swirling; too many to count. He should go visit sensei's grave, he should return the scarf, he should call Shinpachi and ask him to bring rice and soup for his hangover tomorrow, he should call Sougo and ask him what kind of flowers Hijikata likes, he should probably get a job soon and check up on Hasegawa. 

He falls asleep dreaming about the cliff, but this time the skies are the haunting, deep blue of a certain policeman's eyes. 


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally terrified that this won't measure up to the first chapter or the quality of the two of them won't be consistent but it's such a relief to have this posted!! I'm sorry this wasn't updated earlier!! Please forgive me and enjoy!

He wakes up because Kagura jumps on his stomach. He bends almost comically double, retching.

"Kagura!" He chokes.

"Gin-chan wasn't home at eleven so i left with Shinpachi! Where were you?" She asks, climbing off of his stomach.

"Pachinko," he lies easily, and he rolls over, sticking his head under his pillow. He has the mother of all hangovers; it feels like the seams of his skull are going to fly apart. Last night is mostly a haze. He remembers walking, vomiting, a kiss - his hand brushes across the scarf under the pillow and draws it out.

"What's that?" Kagura asks. She's chewing on her sukonbu, eyes wide.

"Ah - a job." He says. "Now get out! I'm hungover, and the only person allowed inside is Shinpachi with food!"

She bounces out of the room, calling Shinpachi and Sadaharu. He hears the door open and shut: Kagura has taken Sadaharu out for his walk. Shinpachi soon comes into the room with a tray, and kneels at his side.

"Good morning, Gin-san," he says. "Kagura told me you were at Pachinko last night."

He can hear the suspicion in his voice. He makes a noncommittal noise and sits up, and the room does a pirouette around him. He falls flat on his back and groans.

"I was on a streak, pattsuan." he says, taking the bowl of rice Shinpachi hands him and sitting up slowly.

"She told me we have a job too." He prods.

"Mmhm. But just for me. I'll split the money with you." His tone signals the end of the conversation, and a worried look crosses Shinpachi's face, but he gets up and leaves with a short word of thanks. There's a clatter of dishes in the kitchen, then Shinpachi calls that he's going to get groceries.

He sighs and listens to the door close, looks at the little cubes of tofu floating forlornly in his miso. He doesn't really have an appetite. He drinks all the tea and changes into his day clothes, setting out a list for the day. First: find Hijikata and return his scarf. Second, the flower shop. Then, maybe a parfait before heading towards the graveyard.

He sets out for the day. The apartment is empty.

*

He must be doing patrols, he concludes. Or actively avoiding him. He doesn't think anything weird happened last night to make Hijikata avoid him. They both basically confessed that they wanted to get into bed with each other, or maybe he was just being nice.

He spots a familiar figure in a cafe. He's napping, his red sleeping mask pulled over his eyes.

"Oy! Sougo-kun," he calls out.

Sougo turns his way, the eyes of the sleeping mask staring eerily before he flips it up. "Morning, Danna. Wanna go for dango?"

"Love to, but I have a job." Gintoki says. "You know where mayora is?"

A faint look of displeasure crosses his face at the mention of his vice chief. "He has a special assignment with Kondo-san today."

"Oh," his heart falls. "When will they be back?"

"Ne, Danna, he's at a flower shop a couple streets down." Sougo says. "I'll be here if you wanna get dango later." He flips the sleeping mask back on and lies back down.

"Only if you're buying," Gintoki says, and heads towards the end of the street. There aren't many flower shops in Kabukicho, so he checks them out one by one. The first one he avoids entirely since that's the one run by Hedoro, and he heads for the one with the pretty girl at the counter. He quickens his pace when he sees two black uniforms among the bouquets. Its Hijikata and Kondo, looking harassed and harried respectively. Hijikata is smoking as usual as he watches Kondo consider the flowers.

"Instead of going yourself, maybe you should get Yamazaki to deliver them," Hijikata is saying.

"What if she falls in love with Yamazaki?" Kondo asks heatedly, picking out a pale rose.

"In love? With Yamazaki??" Hijikata says incredulously. "Please, Kondo-san, this is Yamazaki. Be more worried that he might get beat up."

"Fine, but what if she thinks they're from Yamazaki and -"

"Oh, mayora! Gorilla!" Gintoki waves at them and draws closer. Hijikata's face is carefully neutral, and Kondo must notice the lack of banter because he opens his mouth after a greeting to talk to Hijikata, who steps on his foot.

"You got a job," Hijikata says, his cigarette held between his forefinger and middle. "How's your hangover?"

"Just fine, mother." Gintoki snarks back, taking out his rolled up scarf and pressing it to Hijikata's chest.

"Oh-" he takes it from him, his eyes gone wide. "Thanks."

"Toshi! What about these ones?" Kondo calls from a couple displays away.

"This is your special assignment?" Gintoki deadpans.

Hijikata scowls. "I wasn't the one who named it. And who told - ah, Sougo, that bastard."

"It's kinda hard to keep quiet about the chief and vice chief going out to get flowers together."

"You make us sound like newlyweds." Hijikata nods at Kondo, who is putting together a bouquet. Hijikata's eyes are stupidly blue under the bright lights of the store.

"Listen," Gintoki says suddenly. "I didn't kiss you last night because you were a warm body or whatever-you make me sound like a love-lorn zombie or something-"

"Toshi!" Kondo says, brandishing his finished bouquet like a sword with a flourish, deadly serious.

"Mm, looks good Kondo-san." He turns to Gintoki, his expression unreadable. "I can't talk right now. Meet me somewhere. My shift ends at 10 tonight. Can you make it?"

"Yeah," he agrees unthinkingly.

"Good. The food stand you were at yesterday sound good?" Kondo is paying for the bouquet and is laughing his loud, jovial laugh.

"Mmhm," Gintoki nods. "Looking forward to our date, Oogushi-kun,"

The sight of Hijikata's blush as he walks away leaves a sweet taste on his tongue.

*

He takes Sougo up on his offer for dango and they people watch from the window. He makes up an excuse before lunch and slips out of the cafe, leaving Sougo with the bill. He goes back to the flower shop and buys a small bunch of flowers and walks to the graveyard even though it is quite far and finds the little memorial for those who died in the joui war. He cleans it up a little with a rake that's been propped up against a tree: it's overgrown, neglected. He picks some weeds and pays his respect before sunset, and sets back towards town. He feels a bit lighter, but he knows he'll live with his guilt forever. And that's deserved, he thinks. If that's the weight he has to carry, it's barely enough for penance.

Kabukicho is just waking up from its afternoon nap as he gets to the apartment, the lights of storefronts being turned off and the bars waking for the night. He finds a note on the table from Shinpachi that they're at his place, and he goes for a shower before heading out again.

It's snowing. He stops in the street to look up at the sky, feels the brief sting of snowflakes on his cheeks before they melt.

He walks slowly to the food stand from yesterday, cutting through the park. He asks the old man for the time: it's 10. He waits around, eats some oden and drinks tea. It's nearing eleven when he hears steps behind him and he turns. Hijikata is bent over, panting. He's wearing his red scarf and he's changed into his yukata and haori.

"Thought I missed you," he gasps. He slides into the seat next to Gintoki and orders a bowl of udon. "I'm really sorry. Yamazaki delivered the flowers for Kondo and he got the address mixed up and I've been sorting that out on top of a couple other things."

"It's okay." Gintoki suddenly feels - shy. He's glad that he's here. He turns to his food and concentrates on eating.

"Listen, I know it's late so if you wanna get home to your kids then we can reschedule-"

"No, no. They're at Tae's." Gintoki slurps down his noodles. "I wanna -" he falters. He doesn't really know what he wants. He wants Hijikata. He wants -

"Okay." He seems to understand. They eat in silence until the stand owner announces that he's closing up soon. They set out for nowhere in particular.

"About, uh, last night." Gintoki starts awkwardly. "Thanks. I mean, for walking me home. And cutting me off."

Hijikata waves it away. "How come you were drinking so much? Hasegawa got a job or something?"

"It wasn't really happy drinking," he replies softly. "And it's a long story."

Hijikata looks over at him but doesn't say anything. There's something in his face and posture that tells him that he understands, and that's enough for him. They're a couple blocks from main street. Some drunks and couples straggle around, most of the other citizens in the heart of Edo or asleep.

"I didn't kiss you out of - cuz you were the nearest warm body," Gintoki blurts out, the silence weighing on him. "I wanted to."

"Really?" Hijikata looks at him, his eyes carefully neutral. Snowflakes seem to hang in the air for a moment. 

"Really. I'm not messing with you. I promise."

A look flashes across Hijikata's face before he takes Gintoki by the arm and tugs him into an alley, presses him against the wall, and kisses him. Gintoki makes a desperate noise and presses into the kiss, his hand fumbling to get a hold on Hijikata's haori. His thumb slips underneath the collar of his yukata and he relishes the little jump, the feel of smooth, bare skin under his hand. Hijikata tastes like tea and faintly, cigarettes, which Gintoki doesn't mind one bit because Hijikata's hand is slipping into his own yukata and he's making little noises into his mouth. Fireworks are skittering up and down his spine, in his head. 

Gintoki breaks away from the kiss and rests his forehead in the crook of Hijikata's neck, panting. Desire surges under his skin, and he wants to be closer.

"Hijikata...you don't even know," he rasps.

"Know what?" His voice is trembling. His hand strokes over Gintoki's hair, fingering the locks absently.

How much I want you, he thinks, but the thought of saying it aloud scares him, so he shakes his head and presses a kiss to his throat, and pulls away.

"Come over," Hijikata murmurs. There's a tremor in his voice, a flush high up on his cheeks. Gintoki kisses them the way he wanted to the other night, and watches the blush deepen. Hijikata looks away, suddenly shy.

"How far?" He asks.

"Not far." He answers, and he takes Gintoki's hand and leads him a couple blocks down to a small apartment complex. They're kissing at the door and Hijikata pushes him away momentarily to open it and pull him inside, and Gintoki's eyes adjust to the pitch blackness of the apartment.

"I don't really sleep here often." Hijikata explains. "I sleep mostly at headquarters anyway."

"Mm," Gintoki pulls him towards him and kisses him hungrily, impatiently. Hijikata makes a small noise and slides his hand over Gintoki's shoulder, making the haori slip to the floor. He pulls Gintoki back and through a half open sliding door into what looks like his bedroom. There's a futon folded up in the corner, a bookcase, a vase, a low chest of drawers. They slide down the wall near the bookcase, panting and touching, hungry for each other.

Hijikata notices him looking around and smiles faintly. "Oy. I'll give you a house tour later." He says.

Gintoki grins back and presses their mouths together. Hijikata's handsy, opening the front of Gintoki's yukata and sliding his fingers over his chest, thumbing over the nipple, the smooth contours of his muscles. Gintoki shudders and moans, arches, and kisses him again, pulling him close. Hijikata's breaths are coming heavier now, and pleasure and excitement sparks in the pit of Gintoki's stomach at the sound. He's here. Hijikata is here. It's grounding, it's dizzying, there's so much adrenaline in his veins. He wants him bad.

"Do you have -?" Gintoki breaks away to ask. Hijikata reaches over him to the bookcase and takes out a small basket, and he digs around for lube and condoms and tosses them towards Gintoki.

"Mm, romantic." Gintoki hums.

"Shut up." Hijikata says. "I'm not about to keep them framed or on the wall or something."

"Funny, that's what I do."

Hijikata kisses him again, biting a bit.

"Wait," Gintoki says, pulling away. "Where's the washroom?"

"Third door down on the left." Hijikata says. "Come back dressed, okay?"

Gintoki wonders at that but does as he's told, taking the lube with him. When he comes back, Hijikata has opened the door to the veranda a bit to smoke. He grinds it out when he hears the door open, shrugs out of his haori and undoes the knot of his yukata.

"Turn off the lights?" Hijikata asks.

Gintoki flicks the lights off. Moonlight comes slinking in like a cat homeward bound, lies against their skin.

He's spread out the futon too, and he pulls Gintoki to his knees and kisses him deeply. When he pulls away, moonlight falls across his face and illuminates his eyes, a terribly soft look in them. A thrill goes down Gintoki's spine and he reaches to touch Hijikata's chest, his arms, his stomach. A part of him can't believe he's real.

"That tickles," he murmurs, ducking down to press biting kisses to Gintoki's neck.

"Oh?" he answers eloquently, lost in the feeling of his teeth against his skin. Hijikata smiles, undoes the hastily tied knot of his yukata and slides it off Gintoki's shoulders. His skin is so pale; he bows his head and kisses the top of his shoulder, traces the jut of his collarbone. He pushes the yukata off completely and swallows back a moan. Gintoki must have left his boxers in the bathroom. He reaches to undress himself and Gintoki watches, his lips parted. He makes a strangled noise when Hijikata throws his yukata to the side, kicks off his boxers and kisses him again.

"Hijikata," Gintoki groans. "Hurry up. I wanna - ah!"

"Mmh," Hijikata breathes. He rolls the condom down his cock and presses the head of it to Gintoki's hole.

"Before I'm old," Gintoki complains.

"You _are_ old," Hijikata snarks back.

"So mean!" Gintoki grunts, before crying out as Hijikata pushes in halfway. Gintoki arches, his legs clamping around Hijikata's waist, his hands scrabbling for purchase over his shoulders and back. He's definitely the loudest lay of Hijikata's life, and he's momentarily, absurdly scared that the neighbors might hear.

Gintoki is laughing into his ear, interspersed with moans. "You're an idiot," he says breathlessly.

"What do you call the person getting in bed with the idiot?" Hijikata grunts.

"Fine, we're both idiots. We could have been doing this way earlier and - ah - we're a bunch of fools for not realizing-" he arches and gasps as Hijikata hits something good and sends sparks skittering up his spine. Hijikata goes back at that same angle, his nails digging into Gintoki's sides. He knots one of his hands in Hijikata's hair and tugs gently. Hijikata goes wild at that, his hips jerking. Delighted, Gintoki pulls his head up for a kiss. It's less of lips pressing together and more gasping into each other's mouths, but he relishes it all the same.

"Hijikata," Gintoki gasps. "Make me come. Make me - I wanna -"

"I have you," he pants. He quickens his pace, and Gintoki's toes curl against the futon. He's nearly whimpering, thrusting up against Hijikata's firm stomach in an attempt to get some friction.

He finally loses patience and reaches down to touch himself, but Hijikata's hand beats him there. He strokes with a tight grip, and it has Gintoki nearly going insane with the pleasure of it, gasping and bucking up into his grip. He comes first, crying out and clutching Hijikata to him maybe a little too tight, fireworks shivering up and down his spine, exploding behind his eyelids, warm satisfaction pooling in the pit of his stomach. Somewhere in the middle of it, he feels Hijikata pulse inside him, hears the gasped, gut punch of a moan burst out of him.

They slump onto the futon, gasping. Hijikata rolls off of him, propping up onto his knees and reaching for the box of tissues.

Gintoki lies there with a forearm thrown over his eyes, listening to Hijikata clean up a bit. He shudders comfortably at the feeling of tissues dabbing gently at the mess of lube around his hole, the cum on his stomach. He wriggles away from his touch after a while, grabbing Hijikata around the waist and pulling him into the futon, ignoring the grunt of surprise. Being around him feels like being around someone he's known forever; there's a comfortable familiarity with him. Hijikata rolls them around so that he's the big spoon, burying his face in the back of Gintoki's neck and breathing him in.

Gintoki's stomach growls, breaking the silence. Hijikata groans.

"You're unbelievable." He grumbles into his skin.

"The old man packed up before I could eat as much as I usually do!" Gintoki protests.

"I'll go check the kitchen." Hijikata says, making to untangle himself. Gintoki clutches tighter around him and shakes his head.

"Don't. It's okay, I'm not hungry anymore." he mumbles. "Jeez, stay here and let me hold you for a goddamn second."

Hijikata looks at him with such a gentle look in his eyes that Gintoki is forced to look away for a moment; it's strange seeing another side to him like this. And maybe, he thinks to himself, Hijikata is thinking the same thing. The yielding, the lowering of the guards is all mutual.

"Okay," he says, and a thrill goes through Gintoki because he's so - so forgiving, yielding in a way that he never is. And Gintoki likes it. He wants to have Hijikata all to himself, make him his own, claim him.

And that terrifies him. He leans into the feeling, and it doesn't give.

"Stay here tonight." Hijikata murmurs.

"Okay." Gintoki whispers; it's a small yielding of his own, and it draws a smile from Hijikata.

"Sleep." Hijikata mumbles. His hand is growing heavy on Gintoki's hair, and it eventually slows and stops. Hijikata falls asleep with Gintoki's head pillowed on his arm, his nose in his hair. Gintoki stays awake for a bit after him, watching the flutter of Hijikata's lids, the furrow of his brows in his sleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest. He's something like a lighthouse, Gintoki thinks. Someone reliable, loyal, unswerving, that he can depend on and turn to when everything he knows is turned on its head.

A song, he thinks, his thoughts growing muggy with sleep; like a melody that he can always remember no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ I'm @drunkmaenad on tumblr!! Come yell with me about gintama bshsbh


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